Feelings Unlimited (02)

 Well part 01 was never published so..... here we go.

What do we associate with events in earlier part of our lives becomes totally different as we grow older. 

Connotations as I call them.

Funerals for example, become a place of meet ups, catch ups. It is strange, as a child funeral is something which scares you. You try and avoid it all costs. They have, sadly, become the new norm. You see people smiling out of joy, for the sake of long lost relationship that you had with somebody....and for some odd reasons you couldn't keep up with and them BAM you all meet at a funeral. For a second your totally forget why you're there (wherever you are geographically) and reminisce the old utopian feeling. 

You travel back in time and you cherish the very life you once had......at someone's funeral (i.e. end of life).

Also, sometimes you walk back into an old house after ages and your body feels Exactly as it felt in 1990 s or early 2000 s.....i.e. the last time you set your foot into that place at much happier times. You notice that everything has changed and this confuses you even more.

It is very likely that at death of someone you start missing someone else. Feelings, I tell you are funny things.

One also sees that there are so many people who are connected to you with an invisible string. How? 

Well....

You all have been somewhere at exactly the same time periods in your lives without ever crossing paths. In different eras. In different time zones. In different circumstances. 

You start becoming humanized. You start knowing who was your circle, square or your triangle initially. 

You also witness the outgrowth of each other from eachother s lives.

You witness the grand picture in the past and the future ....all in one frame.

It is strange. Events feel different at different ages.

Love Letters (#04)

 Hi again,

Dada! I needed to ask something....

What did you do when the world moved on and you remained stuck? How did you got up in the morning and how did you manage to keep yourself sane through it all?

Did you eat a lot? Did you use sleeping as your defense mechanism like me? Did you panic? Who did you go to, who did you write letters to? Who was one person that stood by you? Who was your confidante because there aren’t many as I know it.

Is it okay and normal to wake up one morning and not wanting to face the world or going to sleep wishing it never ends??? Or am I sounding depressing to you?

Oh how I wish I knew you better and how I long for your company only GOD knows it.

Work is not great. I want to resign. Just like you. A dumbhead is being made my boss and I don’t like the hostility of the place I work. I want to excel but there’s no road ahead. My life is on a bumpy ride. All haywire. I am confused beyond words could even explain.

I need a constant. A person like you.

Miss you.

Love letters (#05)

 6 Jan 2022

Dada! I failed.

I can't process what happened. But I failed. What should I do?

I often think about ppl ending lives, accidents and ways of getting rid of this nonsensical life.

When you failed an exam, how did you cope with it? I mean not the trauma but the self-blame. How did you stop doing it? I feel like I need an addiction. Smoking may be. But I am asthmatic. I need an addiction. Just to distract myself.

And the people! I am done with them too. World is cruel bhaie! You must've noticed it. You were sharp enough. You knew ppl too. I just need the courage of breaking the man-made bonds and the societal pressures. I need to do what you did while leaving the job and creating your own little empire. Everything you liked. Anything you felt was important and needed. And the way you did it ever so unapologetically.

I need just one hug from you. Why? Because I need your energy. Only you had it. 

"The infective positive"

The way you rose by lifting others. I want That. But first I need energy of yours. I hope there was some way it could transcend to me. I desperately need a cup of tea with you. We need to talk! I need to listen more....to you.

People might find these letters weird but these are all I need right now. You didn't left behind anyone like you. I see glimpses of you in abbu. But I need the pure, sheer, raw "Samdani genes" RN. The Samdani narrative of things. Your version. And you know what exactly I mean by that. Breaking bonds and doing what's on one's mind. Our intuitions are strong. We both have one thing in common. We see things in 3D. Not the black, not the white, not the grey. You and I. We follow gut. We go about 180 degrees to change things to 360°.

Love Letters (#02)

 How to be alive?

22 November 2021

Hyderabad

Hello again,

I know I m bothering you a lot but….who cares 😍☺️. I wanna know one thing. It’s bothering me since morning. How are you so alive? I mean even in death you have such strong presence. No, No! And No, I am not joking. Not at all. There are people, very few of them but there Are people who are still moved by you. The respect which is transcending through generations makes me wonder; what did you actually do to have larger than life imprint on people’s mind some 40 yrs later!

I am amazed truly. People can’t stop talking about you. People can’t stop to be thrilled about you. Even after 04 decades. The males, the females, your nieces and nephews and anyone who’s life you touched. They all talk so ecstatically about you. They’re all in a faze till today.

They talk about your charisma. They tell me about the personality you had. They mention you were good looking and kindhearted. They tell me about the I.Q, E.Q and social intelligence you had. You knew people inside out. You were out there for everybody. You emanated kindness like a reflex action of some sort.

I look so hard in people who share your genes to get a trace of you but none matches the charisma of that magnitude. You appear to me as a character of Greek mythology who was one of his kind.

My question remains; what did you actually do?

Love Letter 7: Where do broken hearts go!

 

Dada!

Lahore made you in some way. 

Lahore tends to be nicer to me too. The world is proving to be a bitter place now. What did you do in such scenarios? 

Where did you go? Where did you hangout? 

What did you DO exactly when humans made you suffer? Made you loose hope in humanity?

I am sad today. People say I am turning negative and bitter. 

Kya karon? 

Kahan jaon? Lahore?

Where does a broken heart go? Any ideas...

Just tell me how to stay firm on my feet on the ground. How?

How not to look at people whom you have helped immensely and they have caused massive heart breaks, soul breaks and cracks in our emotional stability ? Unka kia karna hai ab?

I have a strong urge to go to Bassi, your native gaon on the other side and look around. To go to Narnol and see your workplace or it's whereabouts. I need to connect to You. My journey is much like yours. I can't explain but can transmit the feelings may be somehow if we were to meet. AND That! Is never going to happen. I wish to talk to you just in dream if that's possible. It will be one whooping big/ tremendous exchange of energies. 

Trust me on this one. 

I think about you alot.

Asif ki beti.....

Love Letters (#01)

 17 november 2021

4pm

Wednesday

Hyderabad

To Dada,

The reason I am writing today is: I need resilience….lots of it. And I don’t know any person other than you who could give it to me. Even in form of energy. Even in form of a miracle. Or as a pep talk. In any which form you could transmit it, I just need it. 

Tell me, what was one thing (or two) you did to get over the negativity around you. What did you do when you had nobody to fall back on. What was it like when there’s no one in your family who could advise you on your career path and the challenges that were to be followed. Where did you go? What did you do? I am 32 and I am clueless. I think of new beginnings all the time. 

Again nobody comes in my mind when I think of new beginnings or starting life from scratch. I am told I am very much like your father but why do I get the feeling that even if I am not a mirror image of yours, my life is crisscrossed with yours.

I know it sounds stupidly crazy to write you a letter when:

1) We haven’t met EVER

2) You won’t possibly be responding to this

3) You have no idea of how I am as a person 

But I still write to you because I can’t think of anyone more genuine other than you, at least that is what I am made to believe by the people who Have had the pleasure of being in your presence. And mind you! I haven’t seen such massive respect for anyone. I swear. They stand up. Much like my hair follicles stand while witnessing it.

Hope you’re at a better place. 

I think of you every December and January. And February and March. And June and July. And August and September. And April, May, October. 

Do you know yours is the only grave I blow flying kisses at. And you’re pretty much the only reason I can’t erase Hyderabad from my being. Because it has You.

Love, 

SADIA (Asif ki beti)

Things we don't know

 

We don't mourn the death of a dear one exactly.

 I know it sounds weird but let me elaborate. We don't mourn the death of a dear one exactly, what we do mourn is the loss of a connection, a human contact/interaction, the window to our past, the missing pieces to the puzzle of our lives. That's it. That's what we mourn and feel sad about when we hear or experience the loss/death of a near and dear one. 

Our soul misses the old times as it anticipates the future. Our subconscious mind drags us to all the long forgotten memories that we know exist but never have gotten time to cherish.

The places we couldn't got to visit, the memories we never were actually a part of physically and the most abstract concepts of our lives. All these things are lost when dear one is gone. And we mourn the whole package that person was. Not just a human it's the entire atom gone with all the sub-atomic particles. All the bonds lost and all the answers gone. The whole trajectory of your aura goes missing when you loose a certain intersection of your life's highway.

Diaries of An Orthodontic Resident 3

Some day in October, in a pre-covid era.

 Residents room.

“Hahahahaha…….”


“Reallyyyyyy??? No kidding, right? … hahahahaha”


Somebody walked in and started laughing with us Even before he was able to inquire the situation….. “kia hogaya bhaie….haha :S “

“Look what Dr sahiba has done!”

“ab kia kerdiya?” ek adad R7 senior tareen (not Jehangir Tareen) inquired.



A R6 resident responded: “Pehle aap batayen what do you have in your hand, ye konsi book hai? Graber ka 10th edition toh nahi agaya?”

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHA……..HAHAHA…..” and the walls shook with laughter again.



“ye mein CSS ki books dekh raha hun, aise he”; “ab batao kia hua”



R1 resident came forward laughing hysterically, “ye dekhein”. Showed a picture and some comments underneath. The picture had protruding incisors with extraction spaces showing.

“Toh...”

The senior asked trying to, simultaneously, hide the CSS course books.

“Let me tell you” The mentor of R1 resident intervened. This one was barely keeping its sanity through the third yr of residency.

“ABC was trying to use the open-coil spring, forgot to make anchorage unit. Now her anchorage is burnt and incisors flared.”

“hmm…understandable” No one was amused at the response of a sulking senior-tareen.

“aur pata hai what she was doing all this time?”

“What”

“ye scale se extraction space naap naap k khush thi k utne ki utni hai :P …..peechay molar ka haal he nahi pata ….LOL”

“molar Multan se chal k Khanewal pohncha hua” a Faisalabadi resident commented….

“uss se b agay ki jaga koi”

"Aur incisors Isloo?"

Hahahaha …..and the laughter ensued.

“And just the other day she discovered that she’s been retracting on a rectangular Ni-Ti instead of SS all along”

“Khair ye to mein b kerleta hun clinic mn wires bachany ko”

“And also at one time…..”

“Have you forgotten your own time, habit breaker ko kon Nance samajhta hai?”

“Aray wo to you said TPA……”

“Wo yaad h jab…..”



The first year resident quietly slid out of the room much like slipping out of OPD before time every day in a stealthy manner

…….