Diaries of a Second year Resident

Some day in mid April

“jo garri chalata hai wo for sure rikshay mein nahi beth sakta”

I thought as I climbed in mushkil-se-mila-hua CNG riksha and dropped right down with my legs high up in a perfect yoga aasan. There was no cushion on the backseat and just after I retrieved from my aasan rikshay wala exclaimed with a molar to molar smile, “baaji dhayaan se, seat thori tooti hui hai” .

After a super bumpy ride and a sleepy morning session at hospital, I rushed to the OPD only to face my worst nightmare. So, it was a gifted case from a senior  who apparently left the cruel dental world and made sure I did too :P . As soon as I was seated and slid near only to examine her mouth, she motioned to stop me and asked the most dreaded question of all times in the world of orthodontics , “doctor, mera tareetment kab khatam hoga” , ( “jab tum fuzool sawal pochna band karo gi aur hospital anay ki zehmat karogi! “ , the thought crossed my mind) I smiled and said the most cheesy line ever, “inshaALLAH jald” .

“Lekin dr…..”

I interrupted this time in midway, “dekhiye ab tak khatam ho chukka hota agar pichle kuch arse mn regular ai hotin aur brackets loose na huay hotay aur agar…..” , as I narrated my usual ek-sau-ek factors I started removing the wire so that she is compelled to be quiet. Before she left I managed to bulldoze her with all sorts of regimens and made sure she is all confused from 3 different types of elastics going in all directions.

It was around noon, as I waited for the instruments, I survived a massive heartattack as my beloved exam case told me that she is getting married in a six months’ time, that too with a gummy smile and ye-baray-baray incisors (the front teeth) and with windows from all extraction spaces wide open. All of a sudden you want to be the character of a Paki film which says, “ye shaadi nahi hosakti!”

I became a self-obsessed Evil Queen (pun intended) for a while and prayed k mangni toot jaye as I Heartily congratulated her followed by a lecture on importance of education in modern world and how it’ll be difficult to manage studies after marriage and she should delay it and so on (you know!) in case she lends an ear.

O.K. this is the last one J

So, if you guys remember there was some Indian ad about an amplifier sort of electric appliance which showed a female lover, who in a very naughty-shy manner calls her boyfriend “LIAARRRRRR” in a high pitched-shrill. If you remember the advertisement you’ll get my response towards the third patient of the day. I asked and he told me “I haven’t eaten chaalia/supari”. Right at the time when  I was trying to get hold of a ghundon mein (bracket and wires ofcourse you nerds!) phansi hui big chaalia.

At the end of an emotionally long tiring day, I came back uchalti-koodti in a rickshaw. As I climbed the stairs my worst nightmare came true (as it did on every other day) The Billi sleeping right infront of my apartment door.  I tip-toed here and there for a while but it didn’t work. Billi did not wakeup all by herself and did not let me steer clear :P. The not-so blowing wind brought my hero along, The Sabzi wala! I called out “Bhai zara ooper aiye ga” he came climbing two stairs at a time for a possible masala-dar scene but was ticked-off not to find one. He hushed the cat away and I tripped towards the door, dropped my mobile (it was a home-coming ritual back in those days) and entered the Gosha-e-aafiyat only to find peace within.